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Love or hate Robert Crumb and his sex obsessions (and judging from the bickering here there’s not much in between) you have to admit that Taschen make very beautiful and expensive books.

A signed, slipcased, age-resistant limited run of 1,000 of this latest tome (compiled by Dian Hanson who compiles all sorts of rude stuff) is available for a moderate £400 (£332.50 with amazon’s 17% discount). That’s a lot of hairy wimmin’, big legged wimmin’ and big, big, BIG wimmin’!

If you can’t stretch to that price tag you’ll be able to pick up a standard issue for around £15-20 near the end of this year.

Or if you really want to show off then go for the Champ’s Edition of GOAT which comes with (among other luxuries) the “Radial Champs” sculpture by Jeff Koons and weighs in at 75lbs & €10,000!

R. Crumb’s Sex Obsessions

So last night me & Spunk were watching the absolute and undeniable genius that is Twin Peaks (season 2, episode 2 -- NO SPOILERS PLEASE)! and up popped a scene that (even amongst its twisted, creepy, disturbing and hilarious world) stood out as being rather weird.

3 characters who were deeply affected by the murder of Laura Palmer sit in a lounge and share a song. James kneels by a chair and plays a guitar and sings at a really unbelievable pitch while the two girls Donna & Madeleine sit on the floor and provide backing vocals into a 1950’s style microphone. On top of this, there’s something odd about the positioning of the actors and the framing of the shot (as can be seen in the wide at 1:10) that makes James look like a giant. (You might not see this in a LQ youtube size clip, but trust me, it is so). In a word; awkward.

So as we sat there, feeling awkward, we started to joke about what would happen if this were porn and how it perhaps should be and easily could be. I’m sure a lot of us have done at some point or another, Hollywood movie, TV soap, there are thousands upon thousands of absolutely killer porn scenarios that have never seen their full potential. I will try to find some more good ones, please feel free to suggest your favourites. Unfortunately Lynch chose not to do this threesome here, indeed the way in which the scene actually concludes is FUCKING TERRIFYING, but I’d rather not go into that now…

Here’s a rather sexy little number that raises the bar in adjustable clothing. The “N3″ Zipper dress is made of 120 zippers providing a simple method for any woman to present the dress in any way she desires. I imagine it creating a rather sexy striptease but if I were the woman I’d double check I didn’t miss anything on my last trim!

It’s designed by Sebastien Errazuriz, some chap who put a pretty tree in the middle of an ugly stadium.

Here is the official teaser trailer for the upcoming Portrait of a Lesbian starring Jo, Kyla Fox, Rachel Evans, Jenni M, Angelica Heart, and the newly crowned Babe of the Year Zara. The movie is at the bbfc now and is scheduled to be released on DVD early May. The download will be available shortly before this. A full trailer will be available in a few weeks so watch out for that!

You can view the teaser now in the trailers section of the website (RECOMMENDED) or in lower quality by clicking on the link that follows here.

Read the rest of this entry »

The BBFC stands for “The British Board of Film Classification” or “Banning British Freedom of Choice” depending on which way you look at it. They decide, based on government laws, what is acceptable or unacceptable for people in the UK to watch (like pissing). But with the availability of uncensored porn via mail order and the internet are they really relevant?

When we submit a film to the BBFC we have the option of ticking a little box where it says “Please tick box if you are willing for this work to be viewed by BBFC examiners at home.” Now I can never make up my mind how I feel about this, I used to think; “No. I don’t want them to be enjoying this, maybe cracking one off” imagining some casual, unprofessional who had just the other day been turned down for the positions of Beer Taster and Condom Tester. Nowadays I just tick it for a laugh.

But I still wonder and worry about these people. The unfortunate few who have the burden of viewing obscene and illegal acts, then spending their lives corrupted and tormented by what the rest of us are not allowed to see. What happens to them? How can they survive what they deem the rest of us can’t?

Index on Censorship have interviewed BBFC examiner of hard-core porn Murray Perkins so you can attempt to find out.

Download the pdf of the interview from this page.

Sternomancy is NOT a divination practice that involves reading me, it is “a divination practice that involves reading markings on the area of the human body from the breasts to the stomach” and was used as a method of fortune telling in 18th century Spain, as recently featured in Russian newspaper Pravda.

The article explains the different meanings of what I’m calling “fruit breasts” (the shapes) for example; if one desires more diversity in bed then they should date a woman whose breasts look like lemons but if one were after a hard working housewife then rounded, apple-shaped breasts should be sought out!

A well shaped, protruding nipple is the mark of a powerful, dominating woman who likes to be on top, while small or inverted nipples indicate private and reserved women!

Fascinating!

Or bollocks, you decide. I can imaging the “Fortune Tellers” of the past now: “So, Miss Fox. You’re having trouble sustaining relationships? Well, if you’d just let me look at your tits….”

Check out my source Seductionlabs.org for a round-up of the article.

If my wife looked this good when she turned 50 I’d be happy. Actually, if my wife looked anything like this I’d be seriously freaked out and wonder if that Spex I drank this morning is going to make me see things this way forever!

Today is Barbie’s 50th birthday and over those years the fantasy figure’s master race features and impossible physique have come under much criticism and controversy, principally for “representing an unrealistic and potentially damaging idea of what a modern adult woman looks like”. Well, what a toy doll version of an adult woman looks like.

Her “S & M” outfit (based on Black Canary) of 2008 was labeled “filth” by Christian Voice but when she dressed up like Tippi Hedren it was labeled “genius” by me. So there. Can’t wait for the “Psycho” edition.

Here’s an amusing little clip that’s becoming popular on your “internets”. A CNN newsreader is reporting the shocking news that some airline somewhere is selling peanuts on their flights. Stop the press!

Newsworthy now however, because instead of saying “peanuts” she says “penis”. Twice. I wonder what she’s thinking of for when she finsishes her shift? Honestly, how difficult can it be to say “peanuts” a few times? You’d be surprised.

Yes, it was hilarious in Kindergarten Cop when that little boy said it and all the kids laughed and Arnie got mad and then Jesse Ventura burst in with Old Painless and blew the little shit away, hang on, I’m getting confused.

But there’s a point, why did they laugh and what does it mean for their future? Here’s a story that relates quite closely to the writers here in the office as we struggle with a script or dvd blurb to find a new or an appropriate word for the, um…you know…what women have in the….errrr….I’m getting all flustered now! The article relates specifically to what name parents find appropriate to use for their children’s genitalia that is not “too twee, euphemistic or overly anatomical” and results in a puritanical hatred of their own bodies.

When they grow up of course there’s an abundance of generally obscene names for the “only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing; pussy!”

Annalisa Barbieri of The Guardian says “it’s much easier in Italian”, they call them little flowers, butterflies or birds or peas depending on gender which makes perfect sense and explains why an Italian can grow up without shame and produce something like The Little Adventures of Penis and Vagina.

What would you call it if you were a parent? What do you call it if you are a parent? What do you prefer to call it when it’s all grown up?

Story at The Guardian.

Don’t know why someone didn’t think of it before; combining the 2 most popular adolescent male pastimes to bring new meaning to the word “joystick”.

According to SF Media Labs, the Joydick “is a wearable haptic device for controlling video gameplay based on realtime male masturbation. Through the use of a carefully designed strap-on interface, the user’s penis is converted into a joystick capable of moving the character onscreen in all four cardinal directions. For games requiring the fire button, a separate ring can be worn which converts hand-strokes into button presses.”

Now you can fap while you zap, sin while you win and even win when you lose!

Instructions for how to make your own here.

Source: BoingBoing.