Thank fuck someone finally said it. I always knew something was wrong with these hour and a half loaves plopped from the anus of Satan, but I thought it was simply a case of them raping your belief in cinema out of your eye sockets as they steal time and money you’ll never, ever get back. But there’s more.
Relationship experts at Heriot Watt University, Edinburgh have blamed this deluge of acidic vomit for “promoting unrealistic expectations when it comes to love.” Apparently fans of the films fail to communicate with partners, believing that if someone is meant to be with you, they’ll know what you want without you telling them. This is of course, highly unrealistic and why I persist in dating exclusively psychics or failing that, keeping a set of handy cue cards around the house for my dearest; “cup of tea”, “steak”, “blowjob” etc. etc.
Films reviewed included “You’ve Got Mail” (and it reads don’t watch any more Meg Ryan films), “Maid In Manhattan” (and hated worldwide), The Wedding Planner (would have planned this movie better) and “While You Were Sleeping” (someone made this piece of shit – sorry! Coffee?) The study also got 100 people to watch Serendipity (2001) and a further 100 to watch a David Lynch drama. The Serendipity viewers were later found to be more likely to believe in fate and destiny while the other 100 believed that a dwarf would break into their house in the past, creating an alternative reality in which they were killed by their bisexual doppelgänger after being accused of a murder they didn’t commit.
Dr Bjarne Holmes said “We now have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people’s minds.” Which also opens up an interesting debate of what role pornography plays in perpetuating ideas of sexual relations in people’s minds (people that watch an amount comparable to the mainstream).
Relationships work because of work. Trust and commitment develop over time. Not because some bumbling toff once stuttered at you in the pissing rain or because someone you rather fancy guessed that “Private Dancer” was your favourite Tina Turner song. Personally, I’m glad I’m not desperate or naIve enough to take relationship lessons from a former Harrow head boy looking to finance a new wing on his holiday home with 90 minutes of sheer hell.
story at the beeb
take part in the researchers’ online study of media and relationships
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